What follows is a transcript of a phone call I received earlier this evening… The role of Telemarketer will be played by the woman that the local news channel always finds whenever a tornado hits, to ask her what it was like (that’d be a freight train, duh). You know the one, she’s the woman with the horrible southern drawl and the grade school education that tornadoes always seem to seek out, no matter what area of the country they hit… The role of me will be played by, well, me.

Me: Hello?

- Silence…

Me: Hello?

Telemarketer: Oh, um, hello? Is Ryan Rilay there?

Me: This is him.

Telemarketer: Well howdy, Ryan. I’m callin ya because you recently filled out a request on that Internet, sayin you wanted some information on starting up your very own wonderful home-based business.

Me: Actually, I’ve not made any such request and I told someone else with your organization this just last week…

Telemarketer: Oh, but Mr. Rilay, I don’t see no record of us calling ya, so it musta been some other company.

Me: Weird, since they used the exact same first line (minus calling it “that Internet”, of course). Regardless, I’m not interested, thanks though.

Telemarketer: Click.

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